Entry: whY Sep 10, 2003

Is There Some Reason

Why I'm Always So Helpless??

I really wish I knew why everyone hates me or they walk all over me like I don't even exist. When I know for a fucking fact that I do. And It's not even so much that. It's like when I want to be with friends or family they blow me off, I'v been through It to many times [ and still counting] but why Is It so hard for me to come right out and say "just tell me the truth that you don't love me like a sister, or you would make a fucking effort to chill with me".. It's very hard for me to say that, expecially to 2 of my really good friends. Maybe they really do have other things to do. But every day?? Their excuse Is " well I don't think my mom will let me", then ask the worst she could say is NO.. and even so atleast you asked.

Yesterday when I hung out with Scott he was sick, which really sucked. I was kind of happy cause he wasn't as horny lol so I got to sleep for a good few hrs. Then I came home and ate, did homework, and tryed to sleep. I didn't sleep well and I woke up this morning extremly tired. I'm not sure why. I didn't have any nightmares that I know of. Yesterday in History with Mr. Ellis he was cracking us up. Even though he called me and Shelly crackers, and I couldn't believe he said it. [ It was said jokingly] Still, I'm very shocked he gets away with that shit. And some times I feel like Mr. Ellis and Mrs. Trainor pick on me cause of Scott. Even though thats not the reason, I'm just always thinking that.

Today Scott's picking me up for school and hes taking me to his house till about 7 like he does every day. But soon he won't have to I'll have my own car..hehe.. anyway. Then I'll go to school and have another one of those really bad days. [ I always do so why fight It] I'll leave my 4th block and go out the back doors of the gym and see Scott sitting his car waiting for me and then hoprefully If I don't have much home work, We'll go bowling. But that also depends on my finger cause it still really hurts and Im not so sure why It hurts this much. I didn't bruse It or anything that I know of. Oh well time to go wait for Scott to call me




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